Knife Called Lust
by TheCalenderHungItself
Summary: Because sometimes even bad things have something positive. PeinxSakura


Knife Called Lust

Author: TheCalendarHungItself

Pairing: PeinxSakura

Song: Knife Called Lust

Artist: Hollywood Undead

YT: .com/watch?v=X67cB-gSqPk&eurl=.com/my_videos_edit2

A friend of mine did that one.

-

_Sorry… but you must let me go_.

Sakura looked out of the window and stared at the empty street, rain crashing against the window. She knew she had to stop meeting him, he started to understand what was happening. That she was nothing but a toy for the elders. That she was ordered to meet him.

She got paid for every minute she was with him, for every kiss, for every night.

But at least he never said something she could use against him, so she thought it was quite fair. She got money, he got a not-clingy-and-too-bitchy prostitute. Nice, wasn't it?

Shaking her head to get over it, _since she thought about it again, _the woman wrote a letter to the elderly and documented that she wouldn't be able to be of any use anymore, because the Leader, _she never told them that she was allowed to call him Pein,_ was slowly seeing through the mask, _not that she wore one, she just dyed her hair - every week another colour, after the first time she started to like dying. Green, red, lilac, blond, brown, black, even silver looked good. And she kept her chakra under control_ and she couldn't stay longer by his side.

Because as soon as he'd find out, she would be as good as dead.

Not to say anything about the rest of the Akatsuki. Not that it really mattered anyway. They already knew her good enough to pick her out of a crowd. Maybe she got another month, not much more. _But she decided to stay that long._

Even if there weren't many left, and it seemed like no one of them would even recognize her, when at the evening still a pudding would be in the fridge or one last peach on the table she knew they thought of her.

_Because these guys loved sweets. Honestly. Worst torture – no __sweets for 2 days. _

Sakura laughed at the thought, even if her shoulders were stiff and her brain ached. She thought so much about this matter it was unbelievable.

She would abandon them. Leave them. And even if she was neither arrogant nor full of herself, she was sure, at least for a bit, that she will hurt them.

_As much as it hurt herself._

"Sakura. Now don't be such a cry baby." Even though she would normally be angry at such words, the softness in the words made her drew in another ragged breath and she sobbed again. She didn't answer, it was embarrassing, and he didn't even know why she cried. He wasn't allowed to know. But he didn't seem to mind, but took her shoulders and picked her up off the ground, until she barely touched the ground with her toes.

"Calm down. You cried enough."

She knew. She knew and she knew that she lost herself in her sorrow sometimes.

_Sakura was thankful to him that he put her back together. She couldn't cry like this forever._

Tsunade died. So what? Would the woman want her to cry like a child, for hours and ruin the mission? No.

Sakura closed her eyes. Bittersweet memories, oh yea.

It was funny. Kind of ironic. Every time he helped her, after at least a month's time there happened something so she could do the same help for him.

Tsunade died – Konan died.

She got sick so she wasn't even able to walk – he ruined his leg and she had to heal him.

_This took longer of course, because she couldn't show him how much she was able to heal – her cover would have been blown in hours._

The list went on and on.

So know she had to go and betray them, by leaving.

_Now I thrust this knife called lust into my chest until it busts._

Naruto came back after some years and together with Sai they chased after Sasuke. But after some time the trio got to understand that it was idiotic to do so. If Sasuke didn't want to do anything, they just wasted their lifetime. Naruto didn't take that too well and went off with Jiraiya to train more – a fucking excuse to run away but anyhow. Sai was there now and then but mostly gone, carrying out missions on his own or with ANBU troops.

Sakura was alone and she enjoyed it. She could go out with her friends more and train more in things she wasn't so good at.

So Sakura became a really good Ninja and even though she never took the ANBU exam because she didn't want to have such missions, she reached, theoretically the level of one. _And sure she was proud of herself._

So it didn't take long until the elders had a plan for her, telling her and Tsunade it was to meet someone and get some information's out of him, because of a wife who thought her man may betray her. Tall, light skin, grey eyes and orange hair.

She by herself should dye her hair green and be just a normal Ninja woman, because in Amegakure you couldn't afford to be without at least some Ninja skills. She should have already been suspicious because it was in Amegakure but she didn't care. _It was a nice way to get away from her father who became a horrible drug addict and she didn't want to deal with him anymore. She tried years, she really tried._ Nor did Tsunade who was buried in work.

Yea. After she occasionally started to talk to him and in this bar in the centre of Amegakure, at 3 o clock in the morning after three shots vodka, she got to know that he was the Akatsuki Leader Pein. First she didn't believe him and joked with him about it.

Just 6 months later (at least THEN she should have been suspicious, why would the wife pay for such a long time and didn't ask her to take some action earlier?) Pein took her to his home and well. Then she couldn't do anything but believe. You don't see all of the Akatsukis eating dinner on one table every day, right?

But it just took her a second to recover _okay at least 5 but that doesn't matter _and Pein lead her to the table. She greeted everyone and got one glance from you know who _Itachi has no manners _three 'hello's and one overly optimistic and happy 'HIII!!WHOAREYOU?ANDWHYAREYOUWITHPEINAND…"let's just say the sentence was longer than Ino's longest and that meant something.

The elderly told her then. After she reported that he 'confessed' that he was Akatsuki Leader _not the rest_ that they lied to her but so she managed, they thought.

So after half a year she became a regular guest _Not that she ever told the elders. She… just wanted to be sure that they really trusted her and stuff. Yea. Nothing else. Really._ and the whole group got used to her presence. Sometimes she thought that Itachi and Kisame knew, but they seemed not to tell Pein. Not to care by themselves.

Amegakure was a nice city. Akatsuki was loved there, people gave them gifts and talked with them casually, as if they were in a little village with a few 'stars' living there who liked to see the villagers. The normal life.

_No, it is not like Itachi would sit down with some old lady and talk about old good times – wrong idea. That's what Kisame does. He's really friendly and polite, even if you wouldn't guess so._

Many unimaginable high buildings made out of metal and steel, it rains as good as every day and thunderstorms come at least every week twice. It seems really gloomy but the houses, at least on the inside, are really nice decorated and wonderful done. They aren't as poor as they may look.

She really liked it here. When she went out, kids came along, helped her to carry stuff and she played with them in the mud. _Don't look like that. Mud is awesome. You know it too._

They were just friendlier, more cheerful and happier. Even if they also were Ninjas, they lived as good as they could, not loosing themselves in frustration and worry.

But after two years, it changed. The elders got impatient and put more pressure on her. Amegakure became her place of peace, of safety and she realised more and more that she became a full blooded traitor. _It was easier to push the thoughts aside before._

Pein recognized that something was off, he was her lover after all, the person she spent most of her time with. But she couldn't tell him so she just said it was her period of time and she didn't feel that well and all these typical lies to hide the pain.

After some time she had to tell him something and told him about her father and some stuff, being laughed at because of her hair. He rolled his eyes but listened and she was happy even if these things didn't really bother her anymore. He cared either way.

And now she was here, in her apartment all alone, asking herself if she should tell Pein or just run off to nowhere.

She decided for the more cowardly alternative.

-

Many new people came to Amegakure and old ones went away. Amegakure became something like a big City. So now you had to be one of the cool kids and smoke to be a hero. Most of the Amegakure villagers didn't like that but with enough time and enough pressure, they just wanted to surrender and did as they were expected to do.

Amegakure was crumbling to pieces, at least the Amegakure Pein had loved and known. When he went through the street he saw kids spitting after him, _but he didn't kill them_ young people fighting, _bloody fight._ teens and adults taking drugs and slowly but surely killing themselves.

The whole happiness disappeared and abuse came. Not that it never was there before but it it was far, far less.

_I look alive, I'm dead inside  
My heart has holes and black blood flows  
We'll do some drugs, we__'ll fall in love  
And get fucked up while the world just shrugs  
With no thought logically  
We're wondering the streets so aimlessly  
I hate to see these kids just being put down so painlessly  
And people say you dye your hair or wear tight jeans  
That doesn't mean that you can't scream  
Or like loud noise, you got a choice, you have a voice  
And just because you showed no love and hate on us  
You fucked our trust  
Now watch we thrust this Knife Called Lust into my chest until it bust_

_  
This love , this hate  
Is burning me away  
It's hard to face that we're all the same  
This love, this hate  
Is burning me away  
It's harder times like these that never change_

Sakura got a real shock when she came back to Konoha. Ok, sure the quarrel with her high dad was normal and she expected it already but that Naruto who came back became a drug addict by himself… he met Sasuke on his missions and they had an argument _Sakura wasn't able to understand everything Naruto said, it was slurred and he sobbed and sometimes he started laughing or crying and yea he was high. _and somehow Sasuke managed it to hurt Naruto so bad that he started doing drugs.

The village was no support either. Even though they wanted Sasuke, Naruto was now even more of a failure, not being able to bring him back. Fuck them.

Sakura tried to help Naruto and all thoughts of the Akatsuki and the elders were swept away. She didn't even write a report.

Ino tried to help and supported, as did Hinata but they couldn't help her. Like she wasn't able to really help Naruto. It ruined her, to see Naruto suffer and kill himself like that.

_Mad at the fact your dad is an addict  
Your friend takes pills he thinks it cures sadness  
I'm not here to attack or make you kids panic  
But I just think it's tragic the way these kids have it  
And everybody sins and it all begins  
It goes back around, nobody ever wins  
And you stab yourself in the back  
EVERYBODY JUST RELAX!  
It all just hits so close to home  
We all got friends but we stand alone  
And your on your own from a broken home_  
_You keep the truth inside and it stays unknown  
Nostalgia hit and its time to quit  
And everybody acts like it don't mean shit  
And your friend will stab you just to fuck some girl  
Put your hands in the air and scream FUCK THE WORLD!!!_

Pein wasn't any better. Just, Sakura didn't know. He made his own thoughts about why she disappeared, just suggesting that she was like an enemy ninja. And he started to believe it. She knew where the hideout was. She knew much about the members. Just because of her information, there could start a war within days.

Amegakure hiding Akatsuki. These three words could be the reason for another world war.

But what had Sakura been doing? It didn't seem like she ever had bad intentions. And even Itachi said so and he is one to trust in this matter, honestly. Who could better see through lies than he did? No one. Grey eyes closed and he pressed his hand against his temple, no tender hands healing his headache anymore. She often wanted space and seemed really deep in thought, pulling away. But he shrugged it off and thought maybe she was just confused because he was the Akatsuki Leader, which was something, he knew. Nobody could just be absolutely fine with it and she took it really well anyhow. But now he didn't know if that really was the reason. Sure, he wished that she was some kind of spy but fell for him but yea. Dreams as good as never come true, do they?

_Let go  
I'll bring you closer  
Right now  
I'll hold on tightly  
Let go  
We're going no where  
Somewhere  
And things aren't over  
Harder times like these!  
Growing up on the streets!  
Harder times like these!  
I'll put you back on your feet! _

Sakura was desperate. She didn't know what to do anymore, Naruto was really killing himself. Konoha started to fall apart and the elders destroyed every bit of happiness. What a fucked up city, what a fucked up world. She didn't cry so much and less at the same time in her whole life, she couldn't cry so often even if she wanted, needed but when she was alone she cried her eyes out. She already knew it was better then keeping it bottled up and explode during the worst moment possible, so better let it out when you can.

So she stood here, again, in her apartment and watched the rain droplets fall o her window, the heavy rain stopped and now there was a soft melody, making her tired. She missed him. Sakura looked at her pink hair in the window, she never told him her real hair colour. But his was really orange. Orange…autumn coloured. So weird. A tear roll down her cheek but she smiled and thought of him. She'd never forget this time.

__

And I fall to the ground with my teardrops  
And I get l_ost every time my heart stops_

This love this hate is burning me away.


End file.
